Bleed It Out
by dreamBIg25
Summary: Mitchie has an abusive boyfriend who sparks her addiction...when Shane finds out, can he help Mitchie and show her how much he loves her? Smitchie
1. Just The Beginning

Chapter One:** Just the Beginning**

"Get off of me!" I screamed, my throat now hoarse after yelling at him so much.

"Come on, baby. I know you love me." Kyle sneered.

Ok, pause…this isn't the best place to start. You don't know the whole story yet, so:

Kyle is my boyfriend…in theory. But aren't boyfriends supposed to be loving, and respect their girlfriends? Well, Kyle definitely doesn't. He abuses me, most of the time verbally, and uses me. This is the third time this week that Kyle has tried to have sex with me…once he succeeded because I finally gave up the struggle. But let me tell you, it was NOT pleasurable in the least; he was grunting and panting the entire time, he sounded like a caveman.

Now don't get me wrong…it didn't used to be like this. (I mean, do you really think I would have gone out with him if he started out this way?!) Kyle used to be really sweet, we thought we were in love, and we were _the _it couple in high school. It all started when he was my first crush in the 6th grade. I used to sneak looks at him across the room, and when he would notice me looking I would turn away, blushing.

Then, freshman year, he asked me to the homecoming dance…so of course, I said yes. I was going to the dance with KYLE FLEMMING!

My best friend Shane told me that I should stay away from Kyle, that he was bad for me, he could just feel it. Of course I told him that he was being ridiculous, and that maybe he shouldn't be so jealous. Which he responded to with the typical:

"WHAT?! Psch…I'm not jealous. Why would I like you? Hahaha that's just stupid. I am definitely NOT jealous haha…" full of nervous giggles and all.

So this past summer is where the basis for my story really starts. August 13th, two days before Shane's 17th birthday, is the first time Kyle tried to sleep with me. We were hanging out at his house watching a movie. He had already started to yell at me from time to time, and was constantly putting me down and making me feel horrible.

I told Shane about the yelling, but of course his only solution was to break up with Kyle which I'm just not ready to do. I believe that my Kyle is still there somewhere, deep down.

August 13th was two days before Shane's big birthday party; August 13th was the first day I had to stop Kyle from having sex with me; August 13th was the first day Kyle told me I was a fat bitch, because I didn't have sex with him…and August 13th was the first day I got home from school, went upstairs, locked myself in the bathroom and made three gashes in the top of my thigh.

The pain took over. I let the blood pour out, and the hurt went with it…from then on I knew that the best way to feel better was to **bleed it out**.


	2. He Almost Knows Too Much

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Camp Rock, Shane Gray, or Mitchie Torres (unfortunately) but I do own Kyle (also much to my dismay)

**A/N:** Ok so I got two reviews on chapter 1 (thanks to DiSnEyGiRl96 & Angielala) I need more on chapter two!!! I know for a fact that there are more than 2 people who have read this…so R&R people! Now…on with the story

Chapter Two: **He Almost Knows Too Much**

Today is August 14th…the day before Shane's birthday. Am I excited for the party? Of course! What teenage girl wouldn't be excited for her best friend's birthday party?! So why do I feel like crap?

My current mood: sullen…is probably a result of Kyle's latest endearments.

Earlier tonight, when we were hanging out, I asked him to come to Shane's party with me. It was mostly to be polite, but also I figured that maybe around Shane he wouldn't be such an ass. The conversation went a little something like this:

"So, Kyle….."

"What do you _want_?!" he sounded pissed off, just because I was talking…douche.

"I was just wondering…well I just wanted to know if…if you would want to go to Shane's party with me tomorrow night?" _wow, did I really sound that pitiful around him?_

When I talk to Kyle now, I sound like a lost little puppy that's afraid of being kicked…well, can you blame me? So he said…

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why the hell would I want to go to that fag's party?"

That was it. He could put me down and call me a bitch, but he was not going to talk about my friend like he was nothing.

"You know what Kyle?!" I stopped…I couldn't do it, I couldn't stand up to him. He was so strong, and who knows how he would react.

"WHAT? You got something to say, _MITCHIE!?_" His face turned bright red…I almost thought I could see steam coming out of his ears. I had to get out before he did anything serious.

"You know what, Kyle…I'm fine. I just remembered that I have to be home early tonight. My mom needs me to help out with some stuff; she has a big event she's catering this weekend." I nervously picked up my jacket and purse, hitting Shane's emergency speed dial button through my purse.

Shane and I had come up with a plan: if I thought Kyle might get physical, or if I was scared, I would hit the button and he would just listen…see if I needed help.

So when Kyle grabbed my arm, spun me around, and aggressively smashed his mouth on mine, Shane answered his phone.

"Get off of me!" I screamed.

"Come on, baby. I know you love me." Kyle sneered.

"No, Kyle. Not right now, I told you I have to go home!" I was scared as his grip on my arm tightened and I could feel the circulation slowing down in my hand.

The whole time, Shane had been listening to the interaction on the phone…though he had already gotten in the car by the time he picked up. Soon I heard the car door shut outside, Kyle didn't because he was too busy trying to rip off my shirt which can prove to be difficult when he's being kicked in the shins.

Just seconds later, the door burst open and a very protective, royally _pissed off_ Shane stormed in.

"The woman said NO, Flemming!" _God, I love it when he does that…he's like my knight in shining armor_ …_*sigh*_ ….Wait! Did I just think that?!? Shane is just my friend, like a brother right? Of course, I've known him since pre-school so why would I like him?

_Snap out of it Torres! You know that you don't like Shane! You have never felt like that about him, he is your best friend and nothing else!_

I look over and see Shane and Kyle beating the crap out of each other and I snap out of my train of thought.

"GUYS, STOP!!! Kyle stop hitting him!!" I watch as Kyle hits him with a right hook as he pins him down to the floor. Usually Shane can hold his own…as long as they don't get him to the floor. I mean, the guy has muscles…and not just muscles but _muscles!_ His biceps are huge! But Kyle is big…he has muscles everywhere. His muscles have muscles!

"Mitchie, stay out of this! Just go out to the car!" I could hear the concern in Shane's voice, of course he wasn't worried about himself….when was he?

"Yeah, gotta teach lover-boy a lesson." Kyle grunted out between punches.

I could tell Shane was losing strength…sooner or later he would have to just give up.

After a few more minutes the fighting died down, and the always-proud Shane stood up and walked over to me. He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear, his forehead against mine.

"Are you okay, Mitch?" He looked frightened, but I knew better…it was all for me, he was always looking out for me.

"Yeah" I lied. "I'm fine, can you just take me home?"

He stood up straight. "Yeah, of course. You need to get some rest." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me outside to his car.

On the way home it was mostly silent, with the only sound being the Radiohead CD I had given him for his last birthday. Shane knew when I didn't want to talk, he could just sense it…which I mentally thanked him for. But then he also knew when something was wrong, and if something was wrong he might not pay attention to my need for silence.

"Mitchie…what's wrong?" He sounded so sad…it crushed me.

"Nothing…" I lied again. How could I tell him? He can't know about what I've started, it's already become an addiction…and it's only been a day or so.

"Micthie, don't lie to me. Something's up…you haven't been yourself lately. You're usually happy and lately you seem…….de-

"Depressed?" I finished, cutting him off. I knew I was, I could feel it, but I didn't want Shane to know. He doesn't need to carry this, it's my burden.

"Yeah…" he trailed off, not knowing what to say, I guessed. "We're here."

I looked up to see that we were sitting on the curb outside my house. I didn't move, I just stared at the door…looking at my house from a new perspective. I didn't even feel like I lived here anymore, it looked like someone else's house.

"Are you going to be ok here alone? Or do you want me to stay with you for a while? I don't want anything to happen to you…" Shane broke my trance.

"No, Shane. I'll be fine, don't worry about me…you do that way too much. If I need anything, I promise to call you okay?" I just needed to convince him that I would be fine so I could get to the bathroom.

"Okay…"he still sounded wary. "I love you, Mitch."

"I love you too, Shane…bye….I'll be fine! I promise, now go home."

He looked at me with a serious expression before he drove away, it seemed almost like he knew…like he knew about the razor blade hidden in the back of my medicine cabinet…like he knew about the slashes in my legs…like he knew about the wash cloth in the washing machine that had once been dyed red with blood…and like he knew that he was the only person with the power to keep me from taking it too far.


	3. Comeback Monologue and Party Preparation

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Camp Rock, Shane Gray, or Mitchie Torres (unfortunately) but I do own Kyle (also much to my dismay) and I now own Alan Gray as well

**A/N:** So, I got a couple more reviews…but it's still not a lot. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been really busy with school and other things, so I finally got a chance to write some…tell me what you think! R&R please!

Chapter Three: **Comeback Monologue and Party Preparations**

I went inside and shut the door behind me. I watched through the small window in the top of the door as Shane's car slowly pulled out of the end of my street. I sighed with relief…he was gone.

I went up stairs and into my bedroom. I set down my backpack and took off my jacket before changing into some black sweatpants and a t-shirt. All of this was done in sort of a trance…there was only one thing my mind was thinking about.

After I was dressed, I quickly went into my bathroom and locked the door; I was the only one home, but you never want to take any chances.

I opened the medicine cabinet above the sink without even looking in the mirror…I was afraid that if I did, my subconscious might try to talk me out of what I was about to do. I took out the Advil and make up remover that had been carefully placed in front of the thin silver blade. I picked it up carefully so as to not let it cut my finger tips (ironic isn't it?). I grabbed a wash rag out of the closet and sat down on the toilet lid. I pulled down my sweatpants to the top of my knees and looked at my legs: they were littered with red slashes that stared back at me, practically screaming back Kyle's words from just moments ago, this is when I began my personal monologue of unheard comebacks which had become a daily routine.

"You can't talk to me like that you asshole! I'm not your property!" and with that I made one swipe across my leg.

"You can't tell me what to do" another cut, "You treat me like shit and I'm too scared of you to say anything!" I started to cry.

"You maybe be able to put me down and make _me_ feel like crap, but there's no way you can treat Shane like that!" two more gashes, a little deeper this time.

I started sobbing harder and just broke down, letting the blade drop onto the floor. After a minute the blood started to drip onto the floor, so I picked up the towel and wiped it up. Then I pressed it against my leg to try and stop the bleeding.

When it let up, I got a bandage out of the cabinet and put it over the cuts, then I wrapped it lightly in an ace bandage and pulled my sweatpants back up. I opened the door and went out into my room and checked my cell phone…3 new texts from Shane…*sigh*.

I opened the first one:

_Hey Mitch…just wanted to make sure you got in okay and you're safe…guess I'll ttyl...love, Shane_

Could he be anymore overprotective? But I did have to admit, it was kinda sweet that he cared so much…I thought about what Kyle would do….he probably wouldn't care either way. I decided to open the second one:

_M, I'm getting worried…you haven't responded to my last message…if you don't respond to this one I'll assume something happened…_

Ok, seriously Shane!? Paranoid much? The third one read:

_Mitchie, I'm worried about you…I'm assuming something bad happened…I'm coming over to check on you. Be there in a few 3_

Oh great…he's coming over here, exactly what I don't want him to do right now. Just then, the doorbell rang so I walked (as slowly as I could) down the stairs but Shane being as impatient as he is decided to keep ringing the bell incessantly so I hurried the rest of the way to the door and opened it.

"Hey Mitch! Thank God you're alright…why didn't you answer my texts?" he sounded relieved.

"I was in the bathroom" I deadpanned…this wasn't a lie either, I had been in the bathroom, I just didn't tell him what I'd been doing there.

"oh ok…I guess I just overreacted a little" _Only a little?_ I thought. "Well, I guess I better get on back home…Mom and I are working on stuff for tomorrow night so I guess I'll see you then!"

"Yup…bye Shane." He hugged me and then got back in his car and left.

I was glad to see his car round the corner again, now I could be alone some more….it's not that I don't like Shane; I mean, I love him, he's my best friend! He can just be _really_ protective sometimes.

The next morning was Saturday. I woke up around 9:15 and slowly made my way downstairs. I walked in the kitchen and was greeted by my mother with a cheery

"Good Morning, Sunshine!" she was obviously much more of a morning person than I was (which is not too hard considering I am 100% NOT a morning person).

"Hey" I grunted. I sat down at the table, flopped my arms down in my lap and winced. I hadn't thought about the pain I always had the next morning. I looked at my mom to make sure she hadn't noticed…she was oblivious as usual.

"So…Shane's party's tonight right?" she sounded more excited about it than I was and she wasn't even going.

"Yeah, I think he's really gonna love his present this year!" I suddenly woke up when the subject of Shane came up…I tried to tell myself that it was because his party was tonight and he was such a close friend, but my mind was trying to tell me something different. I shook my head to try and get rid of the thoughts.

"Honey, Shane always loves your presents!" this is true, he always told me about how the t-shirt I gave him was his favorite shirt, or the CD I gave him was the best one he'd ever heard, or the one time I took him to dinner and a movie he said that the sub-par movie we had chosen was one of the best he'd ever seen and he wanted to go back later with his brother because it was just so good…I was beginning to think that maybe Shane was exaggerating a little…_did Shane have feelings for ME?...Nooo, Shane and I both just saw each other as friends. We'd known each other since preschool and we had gone through all of the awkward phases together…there was no way he liked me. He was probably into that Caldwell chick that sat in front of him in third period…yeah that was it, he liked Riley. They would be cute together, maybe I could set them up for prom!_ I was broken from my match-making plans when my mom set a plate full of chocolate chip pancakes in front of me on the table.

I ate quickly, washing it down with a glass of milk and hurried upstairs. I went in my room and began frantically searching through my closet; I had to find the perfect outfit for Shane's party.

I looked through all of my tops but none of them seemed right…none of my dresses were good either. _Maybe I need to just buy something new_. No, I need to save my money; something in here has to be good enough. I finally decided on the perfect outfit…casual but not too casual: a tshirt with a face on it (it looked really cool, trust me), a cool grey skirt with an uneven hem, black leather boots with a small heel, a black leather biker jacket, a gold cuff with a peacock feather painted on it, a cool retro vintagey necklace, and a black leather purse with a cool looking chain on it. It would look really good together, Shane would like it…Kyle wouldn't but he said he wasn't coming, and I didn't really care. Tonight was Shane's night.

I still had a couple hours until I had to go to Shane's and help set up. The party was in the Grays' back yard which was huge! And, they were minus a couple hands because his brother, Alan, was spending the night at a friend's house.

I went in the bathroom and undressed to get in the shower…I looked in the mirror. I actually looked normal, I was _smiling_! I didn't feel like cutting today, I felt happy for the first time this week. Maybe my head was right, maybe I did like Shane…_NO! I don't like him, it's just that he cheers me up…that's what friends do, they make you feel better_. I took my shower dried off and got dressed without looking down for the fear that I would see my legs and it would change my cheerful mood.

After I was dressed and ready, I slowly, and carefully wrapped the world's most perfect present for Shane then looked at the clock…4:30…I still had an hour to kill, what was I supposed to do for another hour? I had to keep myself busy until I left for Shane's because I didn't want to let my mind wander to a certain subject, so I went back up to my room and got on Facebook to see if anyone had sent me a message and to check my notifications…nothing. Then, I checked my email….also nothing. Well that was just great, it took me all of one minute to do both…just 59 more that I had to waste doing something distracting.

I walked down to the kitchen and ate a cookie. This took only about thirty seconds. So I went and sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. I spent about fifteen minutes flipping through channels just to find out that there was nothing on, so I clicked it off. I laid on my back and just looked up at the ceiling for about ten minutes thinking about Shane's past birthday parties like the one when the clown his parents had hired tried to lock some of us in a closet and they ended up having to call the cops, or the time Shane cried because he couldn't break his piñata, and then there was two years ago when Shane turned sixteen. His parents splurged big time and surprised him with a brand new car which he took for a test drive the next day and hit the neighbors' mailbox pulling out of the driveway. Good times, good times…

My reminiscing halted when I heard a car pull up outside. I went to the window and peeked through the blinds: "Shit!" Kyle was walking up the sidewalk wearing nice jeans and a button-up shirt…he was even holding an envelope and I could see _Shane_ scratched across the front of it in Kyle's messy handwriting. _I thought he said he didn't want to go to the party!?!! Crap, what am I supposed to do? I don't want to deal with him right now but I'm afraid to say he can't come because I __**did**__ ask him in the first place…I just never thought he would say yes". _

The door bell rang right as I got to the door, and I opened it to find Kyle standing on the porch.

"Hey, I didn't think you were gonna go tonight" I stated, making sure that I just sounded surprised and not dreadful.

"Yeah, I wasn't going to…but I thought about how much it means to you and I figured if he's your best friend then I should try to like him, right?" _had he really just said that?! And he sounded serious…something was weird, or maybe __**my**__ Kyle was coming back…either way I was totally weirded out by it._

"Right! Well, I'm glad you can come. I actually need to leave in a few to go help set up…I doubt you want to c-"

"I'd be glad to help" he cut me off. _This is just getting stranger by the minute_.

"Ok….cool" I was still really confused. "You wanna just ride together then? That way we won't take up as much space for parking."

"Yeah, sure" he sounded legitimately happy, and cool with this whole thing….what was he _on_?!!??

**A/N: **I didn't want to do this but…I'm looking for at least 5 more reviews before I post another chapter…I already have the idea and I'll start writing it soon, but I won't post it unless I know you're still reading and you like it…so send in reviews!!!

Thanks, xoxo N2vampires


	4. Awkward Moment, Awkward Silence

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Camp Rock, Shane Gray, or Mitchie Torres (unfortunately) but I do own Kyle (also much to my dismay) and I now own Alan Gray as well

**A/N: **I didn't get quite as many reviews as I had hoped…but this ended up just being a short filler chapter for the most part. I promise chapter 5 will be intense and interesting, and a lot longer…I just had to set up for the party in this chapter so read…review if you want…there's more "nice" Kyle in this one (I know you all think he's creepy…me too!)

Chapter Four: **Awkward Moment, Awkward Silence**

The five minute car ride over to Shane's house seemed like it took a lot longer…maybe an hour…or three.

Once we finally pulled up in front of the house that, over the years, had become my second home. In the time that we had known each other (practically our entire lives) I had spent more than half of my time at Shane's house watching movies, playing cards, camping out in the yard, and just talking.

The sound of my door opening startled me…Kyle had walked around the car and opened my door for me…_seriously, I want to know what kind of drugs he got into last night!_

"You ready?" he sounded genuinely nice.

"Umm...yeah, let's go." I had to have sounded utterly confused…because I _was_.

We walked to the door and he was getting ready to ring the door bell…I just walked in.

"Hey, I'm here!" I'd been doing this for years after all…how could Kyle have known?

"In here, Mitchie!" came Mrs. Gray's voice from the kitchen. Mrs. Gray was like a second mother to me, especially when mine was gone on business trips which was practically all the time.

"Hey Mrs. Gray!" I said walking into the kitchen to find her slaving away opening the oven and removing pans, just to replace them with some more. "Where's Shane?"

"I think he's up in his room…why don't you and your friend go check?"

"Oh I almost forgot, this is my boyfriend, Kyle Flemming."

"Oh yes…I've heard a lot about you Kyle! Mitchie talks about you all the time."

"Nothing bad I hope." Kyle said with a smile.

"No, only the best of course!" Kyle didn't notice it, but I had known Mrs. Gray long enough that I could tell she was lying. I figured Shane would have told her some of the Kyle horror stories…I just hoped he hadn't told her everything.

We walked up to Shane's room and the door was cracked so I opened it. Shane was standing in front of his closet in his boxers and I gasped a little. _Oh my God! I knew Shane had muscles…and I've seen him with his shirt off before, so why was this sight in front of me driving me nuts?_ _Snap out of it Torres! Kyle is standing right beside you…Kyle who is being nice to you……for some reason._

"Hey, Shane. Fashion crisis?" I asked with a small giggle.

"Yeah, sort of." He laughed as he turned around. "What the hell is _he_ doing here?" His face turned a bright shade of red, he looked like he was getting ready to blow.

"Calm down, Shane. Kyle came to help set up." I said this as I walked over to him and gave him a hug. "Be nice, he's fine" I whispered in his ear before I broke the hug. _Was it just me, or did he try to hold on a lot longer than he should have? And the hug seemed closer, tighter than usual…_

"So…." Kyle broke the awkward silence that had dropped in the room. "Let's go get things ready…after you're dressed of course" he laughed.

**Shane's POV**

_Wow, this is weird! When Mitchie walked in, I swear I heard her gasp…and her face was pinkish red when I turned to look at her. It seemed like she was trying to keep herself from staring for too long._

"Hey, Shane. Fashion crisis?" Mitchie asked me with her cute little giggle she lets out sometimes…it's rare lately. _Wait, did I just say cute?_

"Yeah, sort of." I laughed as I turned around to face her. "What the hell is _he_ doing here?" I could feel my face turning a bright shade of red, I was getting ready to blow when I saw Kyle Flemming standing in my bedroom.

"Calm down, Shane. Kyle came to help set up." Mitchie said as she walked across the room towards me and I pulled her in for a hug. "Be nice, he's fine" she whispered in my ear before breaking the hug. _I think I tried to hold on to her a little longer than I should have…and I hugged her tighter than I had before._

"So…." Kyle broke the awkward silence that had dropped in the room. "Let's go get things ready…after you're dressed of course" he laughed.

I was still flaming a little on the inside, but I was trying to keep my cool…for Mitchie's sake of course.

"Haha, yeah…" I said. "I'll be right back" and I went into the bathroom to change and fix my hair.

**Mitchie's POV**

"He really doesn't like me, does he?" Kyle asked me.

"He doesn't like the way you treat me…well…no he doesn't like you." I stated, I was sort of afraid of how he would react to this.

"Yeah, I guess I can understand that. He's your best friend, he's just lookin out for you."

I was shocked. Kyle was just full of surprises today…I mean, what was up with the whole nice guy thing? This was like Kyle at the beginning of our relationship, not the Kyle I had been afraid of for the past several months.

Shane emerged from the bathroom about ten minutes later. "Okay, I'm ready lets go!"

And with that, he took off down the stairs and into the back yard with Kyle and me following.

We finally had everything sat up and it was about 15 minutes until guests were supposed to start flowing in. It had gotten dark and the three of us were just chillin by ourselves (Shane's parents were going out to dinner and to see a show, they trusted us to be responsible young adults…haha).

After a little bit longer, about five cars full of people pulled up in front of the house and parked along the street near Kyle's jeep. We looked out the windows and saw people flocking towards the door…

It was party time!


	5. This One's For You

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Camp Rock, Shane Gray, or Mitchie Torres (unfortunately) but I do own Kyle (also much to my dismay) and I now own Alan Gray as well

**A/N: **Thank you sooo much to everyone who reviewed last time! I know chapter 4 was pretty boring, but that's because I had to lead up to this one. It's intense and if you have a problem with language, angst, or steamy drunken makeout scenes…then do not proceed. This is the chapter that I've been waiting for and looking forward to writing, so I hope it's good. Don't forget to review and tell me what you think!!! Enjoy!

Chapter Five: **This One's For You**

(at the party) **Mitchie's POV**

It looked like a pretty good turn out. There were people everywhere and they all seemed to be having fun…all of them but me. Kyle was God knows where, and Shane was constantly making the rounds around the entire house so he didn't miss anybody. So I was left to mingle by myself, even though half of the people here were not on Shane's original guest list, and a lot of them haven't talked to either of us since grade school…I'm pretty sure I spotted a guy earlier that dumped chocolate milk on my head during lunch in second grade because he thought my dress looked funny. I also saw Alison Shaw who pushed Shane off the monkey bars in kindergarten…these people were _not_ our friends.

I talked to some of them anyway…just to be nice and keep myself busy. I looked up and saw Shane coming through the room towards me.

"Hey! Sorry I haven't been around…I was just trying to talk to some people, you know, scope out who's here." Shane said when he finally reached me through the crowd.

"It's cool, I was just talking to some of our old…friends" I hesitated on the last word and then said friends in a way Shane would know I was being sarcastic. "Did you see that Alison Shaw and Brody McIntosh are here?" I exclaimed in mock excitement.

"Wow…how did they get here? They were definitely NOT invited!...oh well, they're here now." Shane seemed a little tipsy.

"Shane Alan Gray, have you been drinking!?"

"Umm…….maybe?..." he sounded hesitant and afraid to answer my question.

"Well, dude…hook me up with some! I'm feelin it, don't know why…but I am." I knew exactly why I wanted to drink a little. It was to take the edge off, help me relax and enjoy the party, forget about Kyle and his strange behavior…and most of all, I needed to drink to stop me from doing something else. This was Shane's night and I wasn't going to do anything to make him worry about me when he was supposed to be having fun.

"Haha, whatever you say Mitch" he just laughed, he thought it was funny…especially because he'd seen what had happened to me last time I had alcohol. (let's just say it was very entertaining…for Shane)

About an hour and seven beers later (I could hold my own with alcohol…to a point), I was fairly drunk. In my drunken state, I had found my way up the stairs to Shane's room and I was listening to a mix CD I had made him after I bought a bunch of new music last summer. The song that was playing really sank in as I was listening…

_If it's fear  
That you feel  
The fear exists  
On a larger scale  
Spin the world  
And stop it still  
Anywhere you land  
Anyone you kill  
You are gonna find that_

Everybody bleeds the same  
After all  
Everybody feels the same  
Pain  
And the preachers preach  
And they write it all down  
Like they know  
But the secret is  
Everybody bleeds the same

Shane walked in…stumbling slightly, and came to sit beside me on his bed. He just sat there and watched me listen and at times I would softly sing along.__

I am you and you are me  
We're the same mistake  
Packaged differently  
Who is your god  
When you pray  
If you break it down  
To the DNA  
You are gonna find that

Everybody bleeds the same  
After all  
Everybody feels the same  
Pain  
And the preachers preach  
And they write it all down  
Like they know  
But the secret is  
Everybody bleeds the same

While soldiers  
Pull the covers  
Over there dead  
Roll over to your lover  
Say put your arms around me  
Surround me in the darkness  
And I'll pray to every god  
My soul to keep  
Cause I'm never ever  
Gonna get to sleep  
Help me dream  
I wanna dream forever

_Everybody bleeds the same  
After all  
Everybody feels the same  
Pain  
And the preachers preach  
And they write it all down  
Like they know  
But the secret is  
Everybody bleeds the same_

Once the song was over, Shane turned to me.

"You know, Mitchie…you have really pretty eyes." He was staring at me like he had never seen me before, almost.

"Thanks, Shane…" I felt awkward because I didn't know what to say back. _Shane has really pretty eyes too…I feel like I could drown in them, get lost in them and stay like that forever…staring into Shane. Wait! I may be drunk, but I do not feel like that about him…but his lips look so perfect, like they're just waiting to kiss and be kissed…and his hair is amazing. _

I reached out and ran my hand through his hair, slowly. He started to lean into me, and I grabbed his head and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him…I kissed Shane and it felt amazing. Our mouths moved in a perfect rhythm with each other, almost as if they were made to fit together…a perfect pair. His tongue begged for entrance and I allowed it. He deepened the kiss and slowly pushed me back so that I was lying on the bed and he was holding himself above me.

I pushed him back until he was sitting and I was sitting on his lap, never breaking the kiss the whole time. I was straddling him now and we were touching each other everywhere. His strong hands ran down my back and through my messy head of hair, mine took a similar path and ended up on his rock hard abs. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close to me, reaching down and grabbing the bottom of his tshirt. He helped me take it off, I was disappointed when we had to separate for a second so he could pull it over his head, but it wasn't long before we were at it again.

I began to kiss down his neck, and back up to his jaw. Then, he returned the favor and began to massage my leg right above my knee. He slowly started moving up my knee and then pushed my skirt up.

I quickly stiffened and jerked it back down, recoiling away from him. It was kinda dark in the room so I hoped he hadn't seen anything, and that he had been too distracted to feel anything. He just sat there for a minute staring at me in shock…I couldn't tell whether it was from the abrupt change in mood or if he really had noticed something, the look on his face was one I couldn't decipher (this was a rare occurrence btw).

"Mitchie…" he spoke slowly, his words measured and distant. "Mitchie, what was that?" it looked like he was about to cry, and I hated seeing Shane cry.

"Shane, it was nothing…" I was a bad liar and we both knew it.

"Mitchie…don't lie to me. I saw what was there…"

I knew he was telling the truth…we both knew what was there, what he had seen. Both of us knew that there was no denying it, no going back…I had to tell him; the secret was finally out.

"Yes, Shane…you did see what you thought you saw, and it's not a pretty story but you deserve to know the truth." I was near tears as I spoke. "It started several months ago…when Kyle started getting worse. The day you came and fought him…and then took me home…"

"Yeah…I remember" I could tell he wanted – needed – for me to go on.

"Well, by then it was already an addiction; I needed a way to get rid of the pain…I had to bleed it out, you know, like the song." I could see the tears welling up in his eyes and it broke my heart, but I had to keep going or I would never get it out. "That night, when you left me, I went straight up to the bathroom and…well, you know the rest."

"Mitchie…baby, why?" he was pleading, not only with his words, but with his eyes. Those soulful brown eyes looked crushed and it pained me to look at them for too long; I turned away from him, but he grabbed my chin and turned my head back toward him. "Mitch, you have to tell me why you did this…"

"Do I?...or do you already know?" I wanted him to figure it out on his own.

"Kyle?! I knew it! I knew that guy was trouble from the moment I laid eyes on him.

"Yeah…but this, these, aren't the whole story…there's more." I hadn't told anyone about this yet, I had barely admitted it to myself. "I think I might…well I think…"

"Baby, what is it?" he sounded so worried, I loved his need to protect me…right now it wasn't annoying at all, I needed him to care about me, to hold me tight. I didn't even mind the pet name he had apparently already made a habit.

"I think I might be pregnant." There was no going back now…it was out there, Shane knew, though I knew he would tell no one. At this point the tears started, they started flowing and they didn't stop. Shane pulled me close and let me cry into his chest, he was protecting me, like he had so many times before…but this time it was different, our true feelings were out in the open and he knew my deepest, darkest secrets.

All of a sudden, the door burst open and Kyle came in fuming.

"Get the fuck away from my girlfriend, Gray! And stop crying you whiny bitch!"

I tried to stop what I was about to do, but I couldn't. It just came up like vomit, and I knew it was about time that it did.

"You know what?! I'm _sick_ of you!! You used to be a nice guy, but now you're just…an ASS! You treat me like crap, and I've put up with it until now, but I'm DONE Kyle…I'm done taking all the shit you've put me through, I'm done with living in a constant state of fear around you wondering if you'll hit me or try to make me have sex with you…which I _**don't**_want to do! You're a jerk, you're an asshole, and you treat those around you like absolute shit...you're a fucking dick. And by the way…I am **NOT **a fat bitch!" by the time I was done, tears were streaming down my face again, and I felt like my stomach was in my throat…I had to get out of there, I had to get home and do something about the anger and sadness that was coursing through me. I had to get to my bathroom and then I would be safe.

I ran out of the room and I knew Shane would try to follow me, but I couldn't look back, couldn't turn around, couldn't let him catch up to me or make me stop. He didn't know what I was going to do, he just knew I was running…and he wanted to protect me.

I got out the front door and hit the ground running, sprinting, down the sidewalk. I ran ten blocks back to my house. I was panting and had a cramp by the time I got there, but I didn't have a car because I had ridden with Kyle, so how else was I going to get away?

I went inside and straight up the stairs, not stopping for anything. I locked myself in the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet; I threw things out behind me until I found what I was frantically searching for. I sat down on the toilet and jerked up my skirt; I pressed the blade to my skin and pulled it across three inches. The cut was fairly deep, but the point here was to feel better, not to die.

I did this a couple more times and started to calm down, so I cleaned myself up and bandaged the cuts. I looked in the mirror…there was mascara staining my face in long, blotchy lines down my cheeks, and I looked like I had two black eyes. I washed my face off and then went out in my room to change and get in the bed.

I fell asleep to the sounds of Bleed It Out by Linkin Park…_thanks a lot, Kyle…in case you were wondering, this all started because of you. I used to think I loved you, and you were sweet and kind…but now you're everything I said you were and more. You get under my skin and make me crazy. And in case you wanted to know…this one's for you._

With that last thought, I drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**A/N:** I have a question…I know what is going to happen in the next chapter for the most part, but I wanted to know how you guys feel about Smitchie. It will happen, but I can't completely decide whether it will happen sooner or later. I have another really big even planned for a couple chapters down the line and they won't be together before then, but would you want it to happen right after or wait until they recover from another big blow?

Tell me what you think!

Xoxo N2vampires


	6. Surprise, Surprise

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Camp Rock, Shane Gray, or Mitchie Torres (unfortunately) but I do own Kyle (also much to my dismay) and I now own Alan Gray as well

**A/N: **Oh my god guys! I am soo sorry that I haven't update in so long I got sidetracked with camps and vacation but I am back and trying to get writing! I am really excited for the next few upcoming chapters and there is a lot of intense stuff coming…and some of it may surprise you. This chapter has a lot of dialogue, but it is important to the relationship of the characters…and it gets interesting at the end. Thank you to all of my awesome reviewers! I can tell you guys really like this – or I think you do… so keep giving feedback ENJOY!

Chapter Six: **Surprise, Surprise**

**Mitchie's POV**

It's been a week since Shane's party, since I broke up with Kyle…I don't miss him per se, but my life feels empty. Shane has tried to fill the void by taking me shopping, renting movies, even buying me a gallon of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Therapy because he knows it's my favorite…it just doesn't help.

I was drifting into a much deeper state of depression and I tried as hard as I could to not let Shane figure it out…apparently it worked because he seemed to just think I was sad and upset about the Kyle thing and scared about the baby thing…which I still don't know if it's true. But nothing happened between Shane and I. I wasn't ready for a relationship right now, neither of us knew if the other had been serious that night or if it was just a drunken mistake…and the timing was just all wrong.

I had taken advantage of some of the time Shane and I spent together. When he took me shopping, it gave me the opportunity to change my wardrobe which I had desperately wanted to do. ( I wanted black clothes…black, black, and more black. I bought black dresses, black super-skinny jeans, black band tees for the emo bands I had gotten into recently – Shane didn't really care about my "evolving taste" because he thought it was just a phase or something – I got wristbands, studded belts, a pair of combat boots, converse, the whole shebang.)

Shane also took me to do lots of other things, basically anything I wanted to do. One day we went to Walmart and I got 5 bottles of black nail polish, then we went to the hair salon and I got layers cut in my hair and dyed it black. Again, Shane had no problem with the changes, he loved me no matter what and he figured this was my way of coping with everything. (Really it was my way of embracing the downward spiral that was fast approaching…I was a different Mitchie now, and Shane was the only one who seemed to notice, though he was the one person who didn't mind.

The next two months went by in a blur. I went to school, slept through study hall, listened to my ipod during choir (I wasn't much into singing lately), I stared silently out the window as Shane drove me home…and he didn't try to talk to me because he had that ability to know when I didn't want to talk – which was all the time lately – and respect that wish. Shane and I stayed best friends, and though we knew we both had feelings for each other, it didn't become awkward which I was thankful for.

I was sitting in Chemistry wondering if I intentionally poured acid on my hand if the teacher would write me up…I decided not to test that theory, but what could I do when I was sooo incredibly bored? Anyway, I was sitting there when my stomach started hurting. I went to the teacher and asked to go to the bathroom. I went in the stall and stood there for a minute feeling clammy and like I was about to faint…then I felt my stomach start to heave, I leaned over the bowl and proceed to empty the contents of my stomach.

I rushed back to class, and collapsed in my seat…I felt a lot better once I had washed off my face and drank from the water fountain like a fish, but my stomach still hadn't settled completely. I refused to think the worst, so I summed it up to a stomach bug and told myself I would be perfectly fine by tomorrow morning.

The next day was Saturday. I woke up at noon feeling like absolute crap. I didn't want to get out of bed...I had no motivation, other than the sloshing feeling of my churning stomach which caused me to rush to the bathroom and throw up nothing but my own bodily fluids due to the fact that I hadn't eaten anything since the previous morning incase I was sick. I went back into my room and collapsed onto the bed, exhausted from the energy it takes to throw up…

Shane called me but I didn't have the energy or care to answer, but when he texted me two minutes later I decided I should look at it.

_Hey Mitch…let's hang out. I'm gonna take you out to do something rather than sulk in your room all day…be there in fifteen! _

I decided that there was a good chance he had already left the house and he sounded set on making me get out, so I got up and got dressed in a pair of skin-tight grey, acid-wash skinny-jeans and my Black Flag t-shirt I had acquired on one of our various shopping trips. I could barely get my jeans on and zipped, but I thought nothing much of it. I had moved on from my legs yesterday, and had made two cuts on each wrist. I covered my arms in bracelets which I doubted Shane would have a problem with…unlike my mother, that is if she were ever here. I combed through my choppy, black hair which I was still getting used to against my pale skin. And heard Shane's car pull up outside…I wasn't exactly eager to do much of anything so I decided to wait until he came in and came up to get me.

I laid down on my bed and put in one earphone…a few seconds later, I heard the door open (Shane has had a key for a long time now, since like 6th grade). I listened to his footsteps as he ascended the stairs, and as he approached my room…until I looked up and he was standing in the doorway with an obnoxious grin on his face.

"Ready to go?" he asked, expectantly.

"Go where? You know you still haven't told me where this lovely little outing is going to take us…for all I know you could be taking me into a back alley and having your way with me in the shadows…" I mocked with a blank expression.

"No, Mitchie…that's ridiculous. Why would I ever do that?"

"It was a joke, Shane..." blank expression again.

"Oh…I knew that. Well, you must be feeling better…sarcasm this early in the morning is a good sign from you." He was faking it, he could tell I wasn't okay and he knew that I could see that…but he just went on pretending like everything was ay oh kay.

"Well, let's get going. We don't wanna miss the bus to Happytown!" I cheered with mock excitement.

We spent fifteen minutes just riding around town in Shane's car…I wondered if he was trying to disorient me, or if he really had no idea of what he wanted to do.

"Okay, what's your deal?" I snapped…it sounded a much more harsh than I had intended.

"Haha…we're just going for a ride silly!" he laughed, seemingly un-phased by my hostility. "We'll reach our destination later."

"…and what exactly is this wonderful destination?" I was actually a little curious now.

"Umm…I can't tell you. It's a…uh…surprise!"

"Uh-huh…is that possibly because there is no destination? At least, not a particular one…" I could tell I was getting close because he sighed in defeat.

Finally, a few minutes later, we pulled into a parking lot.

"Barnes and Noble?...Shane, I practically live here. I thought you said we we're doing something different…this isn't too out of the ordinary" it was almost humorous.

"Sorry…I mean, we can leave if you want to…" he sounded like a puppy who just got kicked, I couldn't say no.

"No, I mean don't get me wrong I love this place…I once asked my mother if we could move in. I was just confused, that's all." It's true. I had, on multiple occasions, asked my mother if we could live at the store…and I have also referred to it as "heaven" numerous times. I spend almost every Sunday sitting in one of the big comfy chairs sipping Starbucks and reading the novel of the week…it was my happy place. "Sooo…why are we here exactly?"

"Well, I was going to surprise you but…Becca Fitzpatrick is here!"

"What? How? What the-…Shane, HOW?" I was beyond ecstatic! My favorite author (well, one of many) was here? At my favorite store?

"I read about it online and decided I would surprise you! I mean, you've been in such a funk lately and I decided something like this would cheer you up." He seemed genuinely proud of himself, and he should be. I was about to meet one of my favorite people! (well…of the ones that were living at least) This was too good to be true! So much so that, for a few minutes, I completely forgot about everything else going on in my life right now…maybe a little too much because when I pulled away and looked back up at Shane he was looking down at my arms in his hands, tears welling in his eyes.

"Mitchie…what is this?" he seemed so sad, like he knew he was right but tried to deny it. "Mitch, please tell me that these bracelets don't mean what I think they do…" he looked up at me, his eyes threatening to overflow in a cascade of hurt, anger, and sadness, and…fear….there was an intense, burning…crippling fear in his eyes.

"Shane…" I could feel the lump in my throat and I knew I too was on the verge of spilling over. "Shane, I'm so sorry…please just…just don't say anything."

"DON'T SAY ANYTHING? ARE YOU SERIOUS!...GOD, MITCHIE. I THOUGHT THIS WAS OVER, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE…WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!" he had a right to yell…he was angry, but the most prominent emotion in his eyes was a mixture of hurt, fear, and guilt. He felt guilty…for something he had no control over. I felt so horrible.

"Shane…I'm really sorry, I don't know what happened. I was just really upset that day and something took over me…but I'm fine now, I swear." I think I was trying harder to convince myself that him.

"Really?..."

"Yeah…really" I pulled out a weak smile to show him I was fine.

"Good…but you really should eat something. You seem to be getting skinnier all the time!"

"I think I may have a bug or something…I haven't been able to keep anything down" I purposely didn't mention the fact that I hadn't eaten anything in months except for every once and a while…and that was mostly just a banana or carrots.

"Oh…I'm sorry! Are you feeling okay? Do you wanna go home?"

"NO!" that was the last place I wanted to be right now…the empty house reminded me of how much my mother didn't give a fuck about whatever I did. "I mean…I really want to go in there…I feel fine now, it was just really early this morning. I should be totally fine, besides, I like spending time with you." We shared a smile…but it seemed to mean more than usual, like we were both thinking about the same thing. My mind had flashed immediately to that night at Shane's party.

_**(flashback)**_

_I reached out and ran my hand through his hair, slowly. He started to lean into me, and I grabbed his head and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him…I kissed Shane and it felt amazing. Our mouths moved in a perfect rhythm with each other, almost as if they were made to fit together…a perfect pair._

_**(end flashback)**_

"Well…what are you waiting for? Let's get in there!" and with that I dragged him through the big double doors, and into one of very few places where I could feel at home.

Barnes and Noble was awesome! I got to meet an amazing author, and Shane even got me a signed copy of her book! He finally stopped worrying about me…and for that, I was extremely grateful. I was so genuinely happy that I agreed to spend the night at Shane's for the first time since last summer. It went really well, except for in the morning when I woke up and puked my guts out in Shane's bathroom…but I blamed it on a bug again and left shortly after breakfast (for me, a protein bar and water).

The rest of the week was uneventful…just the boring rhythm of class after class. My mom was home for most of the week so I had to act like nothing was wrong, and of course I couldn't cut myself while she was around. So for a week I had to keep everything bottled up inside with no release.

Today is Sunday. Tomorrow morning when I wake up, my mother will be long gone on yet another business trip…and this time, it was for five months. This was going to be fantastic…

**A/N:** I am super pumped for chapter 7….it is going to be THE most intense so far…but I wanted to know how you guys feel about Smitchie. It is definitely going to happen but I'm not sure when or how. I have another **really** big event planned for the next chapter but would you want it to happen right after or wait until they recover from another big blow?

Tell me what you think!

Xoxo N2vampires


	7. Author's Note: Read to understand

Hey guys! Just wanted to tell you something about the story that may not have been clear… Mitchie's mom is a huge business person and is gone on trips all the time, mostly for a week or two. Every once and a while she's home for a week, but usually it's just weekends. That is why this new 5 month trip is such a huge deal…just to let you all know

Thanks!

Xoxo N2vampires


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